Lesson 18
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Step 4
We are still making our way through step 4 this week.
We fully explored our feelings regarding a past or present hurt or destructive event that caused resentment, anger or other damage.
We summarized that hurt in an all encompassing paragraph.
We shared those stories and began to grieve what was lost.
We are now moving on to recovery by changing our focus from the how and why we were hurt or damaged to focus on how can we grow and transform because of it. We find ourselves looking at our own destructive behaviors to join God in the redemption of our pain.
Remember a few things you need to be aware of as you to face your own destructive behaviors.
Your ego will always try to make you right. It is self protective. It will justify your behaviors. It will blame someone else. It will put on a mask and pretend you have it all together. It will lie. It does not want you to see you or anyone else to see your faults.
Your shadow self is the part of you that has the tendency to do the wrong things. It’s the log in your eye that stops you from ministering to others sin or shadow self. It is an unconscious driving force that has develops over the course of your life because of your experiences. It takes a healthy practice of searching for your shadow self to see it. Sometimes you need others to point out these shadows or blind spots. Once you acknowledge it, it loses it’s power in tempting you to sin. You bring what was in the darkness out into the light where God can give you the power to change it.
A victim mentality looks somewhat like the ego, it blames their life circumstances, their troubles on someone or something other than themselves. They will also avoid personal responsibility for their own life. It excuses your behavior because ______ happened to you.
There can be no recovery without responsibility. We can not tell ourselves that we aren’t responsible for our behaviors, even when there is a reason they developed and that reason was painful, hurtful and unfair. It is very important to thoroughly examine your life and take responsibility for it. Bring what you find to God and another person to find healing. It is very disempowering if we believe we can manage our lives without God and others or that we have no control over how we respond to our hurt. We can remain stuck.
We need to utilize our inner observer, the spirit residing within us. It can help us recognize how our actions and decisions have contributed to the condition of our lives. God given insight is the foundation of transformation and recovery. You need adequate reflection and discernment as well as a humble spirit. This takes time and effort.
There are some behaviors that can serve as an alarm that you are not taking responsibility for your own life. Defense manipulations, like blaming others, denial, dishonesty, rationalization, and you distract or divert attention from your own behaviors.
You have the power of the holy spirit to guide you.
A shift in mindset about hardship and the hope provided.
A mindset that helps you look at your hurt with hope is believing that God will not waste your pain and He will use it to strengthen you and others. Let’s consider the following passages that help to explain the power of suffering.
Romans 8:18-31
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory (Doxa = the perfect inward or personal excellency of Christ) that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that[h] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
More Than Conquerors
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Our suffering created glory or the perfection of the character of Christ which lives in us through the holy spirit.
We are assured here that God will work ALL thing for good if you join Him in believing that is possible.
James 1:2-4 2-4 “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”
Suffering strengthens your faith and matures you.
Romans 5:3-5
3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Suffering produced perseverance, character and hope.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
It prepares us to walk with others on this earth who are suffering. Which is step 6!!!
Now let’s take a look at some common destructive responses or unhealthy coping skills that have developed in you. Remember wave on the shame train we are all in this together. It’s part of the struggle of our humanity.