Lesson 3
RECOVERY = SANCTIFICATION
Recovery is restoration or return to any former and better state or condition. (The way God created you to be before your life experiences obscured God’s beautiful design).
Sanctification is “returning to the state of proper functioning.
" To sanctify someone or something is to set that person or thing apart for the use intended by its designer.” Less like the world and more like Christ.
Our reality is EVERYONE needs to recover from anything that breaks down our ability be like Christ & to walk out the purpose God created you for. Let’s not be ashamed of that.
SELF REFLECTION is prescribed by God…
Part of recovery is to let go of the thoughts and habits of our old self. They are harder to get rid of than you think. These old beliefs and behaviors are deeply engrained in our brains. Literally. Long term thoughts actually make pathways in your brains that have to be destroyed and rebuilt. In order to make space for a new way or new belief, first we need to unlearn our old ways and old beliefs. We have to know the old corrupted way exists in order to unlearn it. God knew he built our brains this way so he asks that dig deep and find these thoughts or memories and purposely replace them.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (NIV)
The word used for renewing is anakainosis which means “a renewal, renovation, complete change for the better”. Strong, J. (1995). Enhanced Strong’s Lexicon. Woodside Bible Fellowship.
Romans 12:2 tells us to renew our minds and part of that process involves testing or self reflecting on your life. This renewing of the mind must be purposeful and your reflection is a means to renewal. Take a hard look at your private life—especially your innermost thoughts. We can ask
God to disclose and correct the real thoughts and motives of your heart.
Sometimes digging is painful. it’s hard to look pain in the eye. We run from pain. It’s a human response. But that pain is God’s alarm and we can look at that as a blessing. It is giving us clues that there is work to be done. Work that will build us up. We use self reflection in a variety of ways to dig out these corrupted beliefs to find the source of our pain or problem.
Many people try to skip over this essential step of recognizing the truth of our life and try to skip to a new way. It usually ends up falling apart again like painting over peeling old paint. This doesn’t work, you have to make a clean surface for the paint if you want it to last
Remember from week one our thoughts drive our emotions which drive our behaviors.
Shame is a wall that prevents you from seeing the thought that is driving your emotions and behaviors.
Practice not judging your behaviors, emotions or thoughts instead just observe them.
Some don’t want to look back because it will hurt or they fear they can not handle it. Others feel like it’s selfish, self indulgent to spend so much time thinking about yourself. Lay that thought down at the feet of Jesus and consider God’s instruction.
“Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord”. Lamentations 3:40:
In Lamentations, Jeremiah is saying to the Jews look back at your reaction to God, own where you were wrong and learn from it. You will be blessed.
In the book of Lamentation Jeremiah acknowledges the suffering of the Jews but goes on to explain to the Jewish people in exile, that their response to God’s plan was what was causing their lives to be more difficult. God’s plan would have brought them to comfort quicker.
The hebrew word “hapas" used here means to search, to think out, to test, to let oneself be searched for.
The way of blessing is found in self examination, and turning back to the Lord. MacDonald, W. (1995). Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments. (A. Farstad, Ed.) (p. 1033). Nashville: Thomas Nelson.
Often I hear Isaiah 43:8 misused as a reason not to look at our past, however we are looking back with a different purpose than the Jewish people were in this scripture. "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. Isaiah 43:8.
As we dig deeper into this scripture we find Israel had been delivered from Egypt, given the truth about their future but they continued to live their lives not believing God’s word. They did not believe that God could create a path to freedom for them. They continued to fall into unbelief. They did not accept their role in God’s story that heads to a glorious future. Thus He didn’t want them to dwell on their past, He wanted them to believe and focus on they future. They were dwelling on a lie they had told themselves without ever replacing it with truth.
Remember
Grace + Truth + Time = Growth and Healing
GOD CREATED us FOR COMMUNITY
Do I really need a tribe, it’s so messy? Short answer, yes, the Bible ranks healthy relationships as the most important thing in life. A loving relationship with God is of first importance; but loving relationships with others is second. You have to understand God created us to live in community and live in love. I don’t want you to feel guilty for the emptiness and loneliness you feel when you are not in a life giving relationships. We suffer when we do not have relationships, because God created us with a hunger for a solid emotional connection found there. We were never created to walk out this life alone. In fact we were created to be in relationships. God reveals this over and over in the scriptures.
In Matthew 22, God is talking to the disciples about the importance of relationships. He is telling us our relationship between each other is second but equally important to our relationship to him! God knows community is necessary for health, HE made us that way and he continually reminds us of this over and over in scripture. It was built into our design.
“‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:26-40
In John 17:20-24 Jesus is praying for himself, his followers and all Christians (us). He describes the importance of relationships between him and the father, between Jesus and his disciples and between believers.
“I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. 21 I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.22 “I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one 23 I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me. 24 Father, I want these whom you have given me to be with me where I am. Then they can see all the glory you gave me because you loved me even before the world began!”John 17:20-24
In verse 21 He stresses the importance of believers and the disciples bond with each other and prays that it may be like the bond between the God and Jesus. It serves as a testimony to the world. In verse 22 He describes we are given the same glory so that we may be one as Jesus and God. Glory being the same glorious position of blessing or the revelation of power. In v.24 Jesus reminds us that He has always been loved and never been alone. Can you connect that if we were created in His image then we were never created to be alone? It’s woven into our very beings. It is who we are.
In John 15, Jesus is comforting and teaching his disciples as His death will be soon. These are some of the last words Jesus shares with them. I love how Jesus uses the metaphor of connection of the branch to the tree to again speak to relationships. This metaphor reminds us that nothing fruitful grows anywhere in God’s universe without a connection outside themselves. We have heard this before in the parable of the fig tree. A loving relationship with God is of first importance; but loving relationships with others is second. The Bible is all about these two important relationships.
“This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. 13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. 16 You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. 17 This is my command: Love each other.” John 15:12-17
Not only are we encouraging this type of relationship as a tool for health in GTYS but also from the LA Woman’s Ministry. Colossians 2:2 gives a beautiful description of this connection in community.
Col. 2:2 I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God's mysterious plan, which is Christ himself.
RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE HARD but they are necessary if we are to function as God designed us to.
Our self-focused goal in relationships can primarily be to minimize discomfort and maximize the experience of acceptance and love. If our lives are motivated by avoiding abandonment or looking for acceptance and approval, we relate in ways that flow from an empty heart mainly concerned with itself, not with God or others. If we related to others through the hole in our heart, relationships becomes difficult. Would you be willing to set your expectations aside and allow God to show you what a healthy relationship looks like.
Have you been hurt? A common issue working against our community is church hurt. We are a church full of humans so most of us have harmed someone or been harmed in some way. Church hurt is especially painful because we put higher expectations on our brothers and sisters in Christ. You have to keep in mind we are all humans, we all make mistakes. We have to offer one another grace. We may have been self focused or looking for a friendship to fill in a gap in our lives and that is why we are disappointment or simply someone really hurt you in the church. These events lead to confusion, separation and damage if we do not process these hurts through truth and grace. Our enemy, satan, our ego, our shadow self, whatever you call it will divide to conquer. There is strength in our relationships. So at all cost work for unity. Work for a healthy community and relationships.
One way to strengthen our community is by spending some time talking about the different kinds of relationships found in church. They do not all look the same but each serves a purpose.
1. Ministering relationships
Often times in bible study the relationships look like shepherding relationships we call ourselves leaders but a better word is guides. Where one woman is coming along side another woman to offer support and protection and maybe even wisdom during a particular bible study or season of life. These relationships should be filled with trust and respect. Often they are one sided in terms of care. That is ok. These relationships are often for a season. That is ok as well. There is a danger to put unrealistic expectations on your guides or even church leaders. We must remember to give these people grace when we are disappointed by them. They are being pulled in several directions, shepherds often aren’t just caring for 1 but many as they are also trying to manage their own lives, children, etc. Sometimes they need to pull away to refresh themselves.
They have signed up to officially carry burdens with other believers and sometimes it just gets heavy, too heavy. I assume people don’t drop my burdens unless they can not carry them and I have learned I need to extend grace to those who can’t.
2. Shepherding teams
I prefer to see a group of people shepherd another person together, especially if they are in crisis mode. That means we have to allow others to be pulled into the story. This would be a defined group of woman who in a sense tag team to care for an individual. It takes a village!
3. Church family
I have deep authentic caring relationships at church that I adore.
These relationships haven’t necessarily transferred into to my home life but they are deeply valued. Jesus is what we have in common. As Jesus defines family we are family.
These church relationships that don’t necessarily cross into my home life are valuable, real, authentic, life giving relationships that sometimes are for a season or a lifetime. When I accepted this, my expectation of people fell away and my disappointment went with it, along with this subtle or not so subtle feeling that I was not good enough for them.
It released me to enjoy relationships in different areas of my life. It released me from unrealistic expectations I put on those relationships. It released me to see what purpose God had in that relationship.
4. Friendship
Sometimes relationships evolve into a friendship. Two people caring for one another, serving each other. It’s reciprocal. It’s sustaining. You might find that you bring each other into your daily lives, celebrations, tragedies, times of need. You have had time to build trust at a deep level. You can be yourself with no fear. You are full of grace for one another. You cover over each others weaknesses with your strengths. You sacrifice time, emotion. You are very purposeful in feeding that friendship. These only work well if you maintain a balance over time. I may be the one that feeds you when you are sick but you are the one that has great spiritual wisdom when I need it. You can not maintain many of these relationships.
Just a reminder, when you are completing your homework just answer the questions truthfully, it doesn’t matter if you should have or could have done something different, we will not judge you for your mistakes. You are safe to explore.
Lesson 3 Homework
When you are asked to reflect on your past how do you feel, what stops you?
Were you encouraged to explore the reasons behind your feelings as a child or adult by anyone?
Is there an area in your life causing pain or discomfort that you believe is an alarm telling you it’s time to dig?
Do you have any insight into a corrupted belief you have dug up in the past?
Are you nursing any wounds from the church or it’s members? Describe them.
Do you feel like you have focused on the hurt or your response to the hurt?
What was your response? How do you feel about that?
Is there someone you need to forgive in the church?
Have you hurt anyone in the church?
Do you need to make amends with anyone at church?
How do you invest in your relationships at church?
Describe a church relationship that has been life giving?
Where did God tell us that our relationship to one another is equally important to our relationship with him?
Is that hard for you to believe?
Big ideas
We all need to recover the full character of Christ that is weaved into our being by God.
Self-reflection with the purpose of spiritual growth is prescribed by God. It is not selfish.
We are created to live in healthy community.
Relationships are hard but necessary if we want to operate as God designed us to.
Not all relationships look like friendship but they are also prescribed by God.