Lesson 19

Step 4 Destructive responses

Last week we discussed where we have been so far in the class and where we are heading. We have to slow our pace of the class due to the coronavirus but we are committed to the Steps and committed to you. I know that right now we are all just trying to do the best we can.

Everyone’s life has been effected and the response to the pandemic is different for everyone. It might feel strange to feel happy and thankful inside your house with your loved ones close, and then scared and upset about the world outside your house. You might be feeling anger and frustration inside your house with your loved ones, and then feel shame about feeling that way. Or your anxiety about the state of things might be so great that you are barely able to focus inside your house. Whatever your response to this hard time is- have you taken the time to be with yourself there and acknowledge it? Have you intentionally taken time to process your thoughts and feelings? Have you journaled? Talked to a friend on the phone? Are you taking physical and mental care of yourself?

Last week on groupme, we talked about ways to ground ourselves each day. I loved everyone’s answers they posted. One way I like to connect myself to God and ground myself for the day ahead is through meditation. Meditation and prayer are very similar - they can be exactly the same. In prayer sometimes, though, I do all the talking to God. In meditation, I might do some talking but mostly I do the listening. I came across a mediation exercise last week that I really liked and wanted to share with you.

When you have time, sit quietly for a few minutes and focus on your breathing to bring you to the present moment, I want you to picture Jesus standing in the garden at Gethsemane praying. He is there by himself in the middle of the garden silently praying to the father. He sees you there and smiles a welcoming smile to invite you next to Him and you walk over. You immediately feel more peaceful and calm from being in His presence. But you bring with you all of your worry, anxiety, panic, and fear from the last 3 weeks. When you look into Jesus’ eyes you see His unconditional love for you, and you whisper all of the feelings and thoughts you brought with you into His ear. Jesus looks compassionately back at you and then whispers something in your ear that releases you from these fears ruling your heart and mind. Just as God speaks and creation manifests, Jesus creates whatever it is that He speaks into life inside of your heart. The question for you to answer then, is what does Jesus whisper back in your ear? Sit quietly and be with His words. This, then, becomes the grounding for you heart and mind for the day. Now of course we are all just humans - just dust like Kyle said this weekend - so when we finish the mediation and go through the day, turning the tv on and interacting with the world around us of course it is easy to lose some of what was cultivated in our grounding. The hope is that the deepest part of our heart is rooted in the message Jesus whispered and although some of the anxiety returns, it no longer rules or governs our heart. We can begin to hold two opposites - in one hand the natural anxiety of the time we are living in, and in the other the peace and love of God that says “sweet child, you have no idea how really safe you are. Fear not. I am with you always.”

I do not want to be cavalier or insensitive to anyone, please please don’t hear that in what I’m about to say. I do want to challenge us - myself included - to take care of ourselves. That means carving out time - even when we seemingly have none. It is not selfish to carve out time. It does not mean we don’t care about the world or the people who are suffering. It means we are taking care of ourselves in order to be the healing presence, the calming presence, the loving presence in a chaotic world. If we do not take care of ourselves, we cannot be these things. There will always be a reason to not do this work. There will always be things that try to steal us away. But I’m asking you about the big picture. What kind of person do you want to be (in times of crisis and in times of normalcy) ? What do you want for your life? If you went to bed tonight and a miracle occurred so that when you woke up tomorrow you were the person you truly wanted to be - what would your life look like? What would your relationships and interactions with others look like? Remember no one changed but you. What evidence would you have that you changed?

Now let’s compare that to the character of Christ (Lesson 4). Is this what you wanted for yourself? Would you look more like Christ?

Now let’s take an honest look at where you are today. One way to do this is by looking at the destructive response assessment tool that Julie gave out the last time we meet for class. If you don’t have the paper copy from class, Julie also emailed it to everyone. (Please let us know if you are still in need of a copy). We went over each box in class and now it is time to come face to face with how we have responded to the hurt in our lives and the holes in our hearts. It is not about shaming or trying to guilt anyone into change. I think that is what we are most familiar with as a means to change. This tool gives us the opportunity to reflect on the paths we have chosen in the past in order to allow us a way to choose a new path moving forward into the future. Sometimes we have been so asleep to our lives and our responses, we need a jolt to wake us up. This tool can be a mirror to our lives, which reflects the truth of our shadow- the part we try to hide away. Each of us has responded to stress and hurt in our life in a destructive way. That is the human condition, I think. No one is perfect. We were created in the image of God, but our likeness to Him only comes with intentionality and acknowledgment to how we have been living our lives.

Sin and Repentance

God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them. 2 Corinthians 5:19

We believe we were created in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26). We also have learned that God was always in community and we were created to live and exist in community and love.

What is sin?

Sin is a thought or behavior that separates us from giving and receiving the love of God or another person. It is a state of living outside of union. God hates being separated from us and each other. The behavior and thoughts we consider sin become easy to distinguish the more you know Jesus. He is our plumb line. His behavior shows us what we are capable of. How we were created to “be”.

Sin is often used in a way to make us feel bad, unworthy or inadequate to shame people in a effort to change them. No wonder we are always trying to hide it or excuse it. Shame does nothing to “cure” sin but takes it to a darker place where we don’t allow God to help us overcome it. Remember Jesus scorned shame. We will reject the shame as well.

We want you to bring the awareness of your sin to God and another person. If you break down your destructive responses you will see most likely that they are sin. Your responses in some way separate you from experiencing the fullness of God’s love and the love of those around you. Your destructive responses also limit your ability to love. God wants best for you and your life. He wants you to live your life fully loved and fully loving others. He doesn’t want you to settle for what it’s always been like. He wants you to see there is a better way. We are going to look at the common destructive responses and see how they limit your ability to give and receive love and why we call them sin. Remember this “seeing” is a gift and the first step to transformation.

What is repentance?

Repentance is turning from our destructive responses/sin. Repentance is NOT a lingering feeling of shame and guilt, it’s an action. We see sin for what it is and what it does and we run to God as we mourn the damage done by it. God isn’t standing there pointing his finger at you in judgement. He is standing with arms open wide ready to love you, comfort you and pour the power of grace on you so that you can shed these destructive responses that hinder you from living fully in love. He wants us to turn from them because He knows how damaging they are.